I would like to share with you my personal experience. When I was in 10th standard in school I had a team project. My team had 4 people who all were one of my best friends. We didn’t elect a team leader as we felt that all of us should hold equal importance.
As we moved ahead with our project, we realised that one of the teammates was slacking around and not efficient in her work. Whenever we allocated her the task she would dilly-dally and never complete it before deadline. One day we tried to explain to her the problem and told her that it should be a team effort and she needs to work upon it. She seemed to have misinterpreted our constructive suggestion and retaliated back saying that she need not learn from us.This resulted into a big verbal conflict. She took it as an attempt to offend her and started avoiding us. She didn’t speak to any of us properly and failed to attend the meetings. It really affected our work as well our personal life. We felt that she overreacted to the situation and made a big issue out of it. We knew her since so long still she couldn’t understand us. Our project work became stagnant. All our efforts to explain her went in vain. Things didn’t seem to get any better which lead to ineffective teamwork.
At that point of time we were confused as to how to resolve our problem. We didn’t want that problem to jeopardise our friendship. What should we have done at that point of time?
Should we drop her from our team?
Should we make an effort to resolve our problem?
Should we wait for her to make an effort and come to us to resolve our issues?
Should we find any other alternative?
6 comments:
Hi Nitika,
Dropping your friend off the group would be a solution, but that would not solve the root of the problem. Thus, I do not agree in dropping her out.
Choosing a leader for the team is also a very important step in any teamwork projects. The person would be in charge of organising the whole teamwork process. The person would be responsible for checking up on everyone’s task. Lack of leadership may cause the team to not have an authoritative figure to settle any disputes or to make a hard decision (If any of them occur). This leads to the problem that you faced in trying to give constructive criticism to a teammate.
As always, it is good to discuss the whole incident calmly. Otherwise, the project would be at a standstill.
1) Try to arrange for a meeting session and try to resolve the situation calmly
2) Focus on the problem and not the person herself.
3) Reflect on the things that should be done.
4) Negotiate and try to come up with solution that satisfies everyone.
Protray high EQ during the discussion as not to once again upset anyone.
But in worst case scenario, (she does not listen and still blames everyone instead of herself)
When all possible attempts to resolve the situation within the group fail, the last resort would be to report the matter to the teacher-in-charge. A person with higher authority would be needed to step in and resolve the problem.
If everything could be resolved peacefully, then the project should be able to process smoothly again. Just remember to elect a leader this time.
Regards,
Kevin Lin
Objectively, you should look at her attitude. If she really do not want to do any work, then just tell her directly that you would drop her off, if she still continue to act this way. You should remain her that this, is a team work, and if she do not want to cooperate, then her addition to the team is not welcomed.
I suggest you talk to her directly and straighten out the terms in a very friendly manner. Keep your tone and language informal and non-offensive while being direct. Normally, this would instill guilt within the latter, which possibly would made her more willing to work.
Hello Nitikia,
The problem is basically a total misunderstanding and a misinterpretation by your friend.
Kicking her out of the team and replacing her with someone else may seem easy but that does not solve anything. It is like running away from your problems. Plus she is a close friend and I am sure you want her back.
According to you, your friend does not meet deadlines and is incompetent. Is she really inept? Maybe she could be having some personal issues that could be impeding her efficiency. So, you have to find out what is actually happening.
You and your team mates should establish contact with her first. This will send the message that she is wanted back by the team. Arrange for a meet-up and have a heart to heart talk. Ask her why she has not been meeting deadlines and why her work has been not been up to par. Listen to her reasoning. If it is justifiable, then maybe you could apologize for not finding out earlier. If it is not, then you should provide feedback accordingly.
You should also let her know explicitly that whatever you said on that day was not a personal attack but was to point out that the team was not achieving its goals.
Finally, use emotional intelligence. Tell her that the team wants her back and you guys can work towards in making the project a success. This will make banish any awkwardness and make her feel important.
Hi Nitika,
I believe dropping your friend out of the team should be one of the last resolve, as it will undoubtedly affect your friendship in a negative way. That should only be done if there is really nothing you can do to bring your friend back into the group.
You should at least first look at the problem through your friend's perspective. Perhaps she was having some personal issue at the time? That could be one reason why she was so agitated and quickly misunderstood the constructive criticism from the group.
Arrange a group meeting with her again, this time do apologize to her first, and listen to what she has to say. After that you could try to explain to her about the misunderstanding before, and tell her that the team wants her back as her contribution is definitely important to the team's success.
I hope that with this the problem of your group would be solved :).
I think dropping her from your team should only be a last ditch resort when it is clearly starting to affect the team moral and cohesion. However, it would be better to try and get her to sit down and have a chat.
Reflect on the way the team presented themselves when you all criticized her. Perhaps doing it with the whole group seemed very intimidating to her. So, it would be better to arrange a one-on-one meeting with her when you try and patch up.
During that meeting, you would have to apologise and explain the reason behind the group complaint that day in a non-threatening tone. Ask her why she reacted in the way she did and see if it was due to problems or stress. If it was, and if you are able to help her, suggest a solution to her.
However, you would have to return back to the topic of the project work. Gently remind her that team effort is needed for this and she is not helping by avoiding/delaying everyone. Tell her that she is part of the team and that her support is needed for the project, however she should correct the points that were brought up before to help improve herself. Stress that the points brought up are not to insult her, but to help her improve on herself.
By appealing to her, she can see that you are trying to approach her and be more accepting to your suggestions instead of being so guarded.
Hey all,
Thanks for giving me suggestions on my blog posts. They helped me to understand the situation better.
I would like to share with you what I did at that point of time. Since she was kind of avoiding us the best way I could think of was to call her. So, I called her and told her that we wanted to meet her personally.
When we met I tried to be friendly with her and explained to her that we didn’t really mean that way. We just gave a constructive criticism and she misinterpreted it. We didn’t have any personal grudge against her. But then at the same point she should be more committed to her work. She shouldn’t have replied back to us as rudely as she did.
We tried asking her if there was any serious reason because of which she couldn’t do her task properly on time. She told us that due to other school projects and so much workload she was too stressed and wasn’t able to do it on time. We told her that if that was the case she should have come to us and told us that she has some work and would need some more time to complete the task. We are friends and she should feel free to talk to us.
After the conversation things were more or less sorted out. She understood that she overreacted to the situation and apologised to us for her bad behaviour. She realised that she should have spoken to us once before adopting such an attitude. So she started doing her work. We also tried to be more understanding and helped each other out. Things changed and we managed to complete our project successfully on time.
:) :)
Best Regards,
Nitika
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